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Looking for girlfriend > Looking for boyfriend > My boyfriend and i had a bad fight

My boyfriend and i had a bad fight

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One morning last fall, Kyle Benson , 30, sat in his home office, lost in his work. It might sound silly, says Benson, a relationship coach in Seattle, Washington, but the argument revealed a lot about their relationship and how they handle conflict. Later that night, Benson and his girlfriend, Heather, used five steps recommended by The Gottman Institute to resolve their conflict. The first step, according to Benson, is to discuss how each of you felt during the argument. Benson explains that their cat was sick and elderly, and has been a source of stress for his girlfriend. The second step, says Benson, is to listen with intention.

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What Couples Should Do to Move Forward After a Major Fight

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One morning last fall, Kyle Benson , 30, sat in his home office, lost in his work. It might sound silly, says Benson, a relationship coach in Seattle, Washington, but the argument revealed a lot about their relationship and how they handle conflict. Later that night, Benson and his girlfriend, Heather, used five steps recommended by The Gottman Institute to resolve their conflict. The first step, according to Benson, is to discuss how each of you felt during the argument.

Benson explains that their cat was sick and elderly, and has been a source of stress for his girlfriend. The second step, says Benson, is to listen with intention. During this step, you and your partner will take turns acting as listener and speaker, he says. Speaker: Focus on what you perceived and felt during the argument.

Avoid criticizing or blaming the listener. Listener: Focus on how the speaker experienced the argument, not how you think they should have experienced it. Really try to understand things from their perspective, and validate it. During this step, while you are taking turns as speaker and listener, each of you should discuss what triggered a strong reaction in you, says Benson.

She explained to him that she felt stressed about having to care for both her father and the cat, and that seeing the cat cry was a big trigger for her. During this step, Benson says, you both need to take responsibility for the role you played in the conflict. Benson says he and Heather decided to make time at the end of each day to talk about their feelings. Want more tips like these?

Sign up for our newsletter and follow us on Facebook , Twitter and Instagram. Follow better. Get the Better newsletter. He thought she was criticizing him. Relationship advice from sex therapist Dr. Ruth Feb.

How to Recover From a Horrible Fight.

It's almost always a painful process — but fighting with your partner doesn't have to be a toxic one. With good communication, fights can actually be constructive. Michele Kerulis , relationships and dating expert and professor at Counseling Northwestern tells Bustle. But if your communication isn't on point, then your fights can do some real damage.

It's completely normal — and healthy — for couples to argue. You're two separate people, and you're going to have different opinions sometimes. You might have heard of some of those classic techniques for how to fight fair, like only using statement starting with "I" or trying not to call names.

Lisa Marie Bobby Feb 12, Dr. The sanest, most intelligent, reasonable, successful people — brilliant CEOs, steady-handed surgeons, unflappable news anchors, and uber-rational captains of industry can all become unhinged in the heat of the moment. So I understand what this feels like. I also know now that intense fights are not necessary.

What to do after a fight with your partner, according to a relationship coach

A fight can weaken your relationship, or it can strengthen it — and its impact depends on how you behave afterward. Here are some things you can do after a fight that help you move on and use the conflict to your advantage. You may feel tempted to get in the last word or even punish your partner by making them wait for your forgiveness, but that could make you both unhappy not just in the moment but also in the future. So aim to make up before a fight escalates. So, if you have the urge to drag on the fight even though everything that needs to be said has been said, try thinking of a time your partner did something nice for you, something you appreciate about them, or even a good memory unrelated to them. Or, do something that makes you happy, like having a cup of tea or playing with a pet. To help your partner feel heard, Parker recommends imagining yourself as someone outside the relationship who cares about you both. What do you hope will come out of the fight? More validation of your emotions? Fewer misunderstandings when you're making plans?

How To Tell If The Fights In Your Relationship Are Toxic, According To Experts

Or a you-let-the-kids-do-what? It happens. The key is to prevent them in the first place. Communication and taking the time to listen can make a big difference in healing the rifts and preventing spats from reaching nuclear proportions. Still, the fact remains that fights are a natural part of two people being in a relationship together.

Even if you and your partner have come to an agreement, the arguing can really put a damper on things. It might take some time to restore the romance and affection.

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7 Things To Do After A Fight With Your Partner

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12 Things You Should Never Do After a Fight With Your Partner

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Mar 21, - A fight can weaken your relationship, or it can strengthen it — and its impact depends on but the fact that you just fought doesn't mean you have to behave coldly or unkindly. Remember, arguing in of itself isn't a problem.

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